I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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