Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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