got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
