Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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