so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
