i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
