ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
