he wants to bone in the snuggie
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
