Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize