So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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