i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
