this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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