Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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