ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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