Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
