this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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