i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dick has a subreddit
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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