i'm signing you up for texting rehab
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize