I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
