I think im going to throw up on grandma
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
