i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My feet surprised me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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