He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
