Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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