six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
