i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
