you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
