When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
