dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize