Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
