i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
