Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
