he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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