OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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