3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
