I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
