Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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