Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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