do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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