My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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