go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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