i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
