I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
