So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
