1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
