My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
