I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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