Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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