im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
