You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize