I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's shark week go big or go home
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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