why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
