Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
