Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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