i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
