Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
