if only i could text you this smell
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
