It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize