READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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