false alarm. still invincible.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
