I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
