hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
