Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
