Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
