At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
