Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
