I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
