no, he came in my armpit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
