I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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