dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
