If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
