So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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