ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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