the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
