How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
