so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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