So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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