it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's blow job season.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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