6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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